Square Peg In The Round Hole

"Just five more minutes, mom!"

"Its 7 morning!"

what!!!!! *jumps out of bed*

uh! moooooooooom! where's my toothbrush??

Oh shoot no time for that!

"breakfast's ready son" - I'm late mom.. maybe next time!

OKAY! now that's a pretty get-set-go beginning.. the day started out quite innocently, innocent enough huh?! 

Hope everything goes on smoothly the whole day, but that's not exactly what I've been thinking all time then. A lil streak of fear, suspense lurking. Above all,what overpowered was the whole new excitement. Ohw how's the new school gonna be? 
Two miserable years! great deal huh.

All I could assure myself was with "hope for the best honey"
All I prayed for last night was - good friends! Fortunately hey I got a lot many! I reached for the bus. That was my first time when I boarded a bus at a new place all alone. I was afraid of the very fact of getting down at a wrong stand. But hey, things got quite smooth. I'm in the metro now, a man in a smart outfit lightly hits my body, most probably accidentally.

"sorry" 

"no offence, I didn't mind anyway" - I replied calmly & I'm still wondering why he gave me that confused look! 
Anyways not to forget to mention the.. um! well.. maybe next time..

so here's the school!

MOUNT ABU PUBLIC SCHOOL

Isn't this where I have been last week for the conversation with the principal?! (they call it an "interview", I suppose) I quickly checked myself to see if I was at the right place. Oh hell yes! I assured myself! Lets move in there's lot more to see than the skinny guard at the gate.

"Excuse me ma'am can you tell me where's the class 11-A?"

"boy you look new here, better reach for the senior teachers at staff room and have it with them"

(if I'm asking you the way to my class, of course I must be new.. silly chump.. now who are the senior teachers and where the hell do I get the staff room?) I wondered...

"Uh! but ma'am where's the staff room?", "third floor, son"

Now that's was kinda disappointing, no list.. nothing for the new lads, at least they should have cared about putting a sheet with the room numbers for the new students (my BMS does that!) I somehow collected few thoughts to assure myself that - "no this doesn't proves the sickness"

so here's the class room, wow! pretty tidy huh! hope cleanliness is permanent and ain't meant for a welcome day (no why on earth would they do that) I helped myself to a seat... Am I the only one in this class? the moment I was wondering this I felt I must be sitting in a wrong room, oops! bad start! :P

"so where's exactly my class supposed to be?" 

(damn! what are those name tags at the door pinned for, that says "11-A"?)

"never mind, should I be sitting there?" *thanks*

Holy _____ , is this a classroom or a fish market?! 

I was stunned to see the number! there was somewhat 35 of them I was like 'dude now you're totally screwed!'

(I never realized that this strength was just a half.. a few dozens were more to come)

"hey boy, new here?"

(no jerk, didn't you notice I've been studying here since last twenty years?) 

I don't quite remember who was the fellow..

anyways here starts the roll call.. mam its Matin not maTin don't put stress on the 'T', psst! pronounce it the either way I don't mind! No one can still pronounce my name correctly (in that school) At times I myself get so confused that when asked I too speak with the wrong pronunciation, got quite used to by hearing that word!

its मातिन!

Hey did I mention my first friend?

"Shivam!" he said moving his hands towards me..

"Matin" 

I was glad, at least someone was considerate enough to have a conversation! though at present I don't remember which of the two Shivams he was, but ah! doesn't matter both of them are friends now!

Ask me what difficulty I had in memorizing their names I'd call them with different names then when corrected 

"oh sorry! Yes I meant the same, how about you too pronouncing my name correctly eh?"

So here's our English teacher.. (looks more or less like a Hindi teacher), I was quite pleased to see her though, as English teachers have been long fantasizing me.. but things weren't quite as I expected. She started giving all sorts of lecture, and I got a brief idea about her "feckless lay-about" nature. (drone, to be exact)

Her first question was "Are you a Christian?"

"Why on the Earth would anyone ask me that for an introduction?"

"NO mam!"

She laid down few more set of queries, and when finally her desire of questioning came to a calm, she moved on..

Next enters our Maths teacher.. *woo horrible* 

looks pretty strict, was my first impression. I kept on staring at her for the whole time I know that was stupid, but something about her was making me restless and I wanted to know what? later came to know she was laughing stock of the whole class much to my amazement she even got a "title" for herself! :P

Other teachers aren't worth mentioning, things aren't quite similar like it used to be at my BMS where I could introduce endlessly about the teaching members each of whom were just a stark contrast to the first and you can go on till hours talking about their deeds, yet remain unsatisfied with what you're left with (in case you're jotting them down).

I vividly remember back those days during our board exams, when the school offered us to avail bus facility as the center of the exam was at remote village, those were the last and the best experience I ever had with my friends, the journey by bus was for about an hour or so, along the creaky village streets and we used to shout out occasionally pointing towards any silly thing on sight.

Even the driest joke would be enough for everyone to crack up!

Pointing towards an ugly girl, wo dekh teri____ and followed by the town of laughter-------

But this irrelevant stuff is taking up space that the story should occupy.

Getting back I find life took a significant turn here at MAPS.

"Every time you're in blues you won't have your friends to comfort you" - Yes! It took me this late to realize. 

"when you're down you can run to your friends and everything will be great" - you could no longer enjoy this privilege.

I should have known that this isn't my BMS and things go pretty different here, for me it was the greatest shock as this was for the first time that I  was out of the shadows of my own school, my BMS where I spent ten years of my lifetime, more that half my age at present. I realized things aren't always as you expect them to be and its the very time when the feeling of in-a-miserable-condition came to light. It's like I realized that way down inside, I've always been lonely for something. But I don't know what for. Its like everybody in the world wants something. Only they never really know exactly what it is - they just keep finding out what it's not. You know how, when you turn off the TV or you come out of some concert, and everything just feels empty? Like you thought that would be what you wanted, and then it wasn't? The same goes for my decision of changing school, who knows.. cognitive deficiency, maybe! I was not much acquainted by this fate. I never did wonder I'd be missing my friends this much but now as the truth has to be accepted somehow here left I'm, lamented, deprive-stricken, counting hours, wishing could just roll back the clocks!

As the clock ticks away somewhere someone deep down inside flushed with paranoia from some unknown corner constantly nagged down by feeling of irrationality and delusion. It's witty how life works its amusing to watch someone behind this innocent mask struggling pathetically to soar heights finding his own world, his life his identity, in-spite being downtrodden, tyrannized and chained more tightly every time he attempts to escape. Chained by acceptance, chained by annoyance, chained by the social dilemma.

He wants to run, but it’s the end zone...  the barrier of cage, he's captured by insecurities, punished with loneliness  and pain.. Hungry of their presence but it seems like no one cares..

Its just too hard to accept the fact that this is the reality and the end of these agonized feelings are locked somewhere miles away in some stranger land. It's the loneliest feeling in the world - to find yourself standing up when everyone else is sitting down. To have everybody look at you and say "what's the matter with him?"

everything ever caused a tear to trickle down my cheek, I run away and hide from it. But now, everything is unwinding and finding its way back towards me. And I don't know what to do. I just know that pain I felt so long ago, it's hurting ten times more..

You don't know what it feels like. You'd never know how it feels like until you find yourself in similar circumstances. Life was about to lift a corner of its mysterious veil for me to observe its backstage. Quite shuddered!

but wait..

What could please more than someone to accompany in such situation, at least an assurance that there's someone to stand by your side you ain't totally alone, be it permanent or you ain't sure if it'd last any longer. Someone who understands or pretend to understand everything. Those unstable promises. You know when you find yourself in such situations you aren't totally ready to accept new changes, you're so absorbed within past experiences that are no more than just memories that bring tears. The hardest thing becomes to search for a reason to smile. Totally confused you wonder whats going on! You feel you can take no more of it, but that's just making you stronger. Yeah I'm stronger now, and much to my amazement feeling better every moment. Now when I think about the loss, it hurts a little less its like I understood the reality and realized our happiness and sorrow cannot bring about any change, so its pointless remaining depressed over something that just can't be changed!

Life has million reasons to smile after all! :)

I had a special passion of collecting golden coloured coins of Rs.5 domination, I loved its lustre  Might sound absurd but I used to get spend quality time watching them and admiring their beauty. Someone once told me the shine would last no longer, time will fade it away. I couldn't think of any reply all I could say was ''its the value my friend, that matters" I don't know what I meant, both were in a joking mood probably. Relating my present situation to that happening somehow eases me. The shine is gone, but its true value my friend! There's no point in being depressed about something that didn't even happen! These are the biggest assurances that makes me strong every minute.

Rest ease makers are all those amazing persons on this Earth, fortunately I'm blessed with a hell lot of them!

Now I can proudly say the Square Peg's Fitted In The Round Hole!

I still have my old friends and my new friends are amazing. Lets dig a little deeper about them. I know you guys must have been dying to hear from me LOL!

"if winter comes can spring be far behind?"

(a phrase from P.B. Shelly's Ode To The West Wind)

Note | All italicized texts above are taken from Google.

Kindly do not spoil the comment field asking justifications. :)

Thanks,

Me.